


Welcome To Yílíng

by Young_Leaf



Category: Welcome to Night Vale, 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Alternate Universe- Modern, Alternate Universe- Welcome To Night Vale Fusion, Are birds real?, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Bluetooth is coming for his Wi-fi, Conspiracy Theories, Don’t worry, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid Character, Have a compulsory bowl of soup a Yànlí’s restaurant, Let us discuss, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī has a very interesting internal commentary, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī is Shameless, M/M, Mystery, No Beta, Nonbinary Character, Other, Paranormal, Single Parent Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, So is Wi-fi, Supernatural - Freeform, The Juniors are children, Trans Male Character, we die like wei wuxian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Young_Leaf/pseuds/Young_Leaf
Summary: Lán Zhàn, a scientist by profession, moves to Yílíng, falls in love with the charming radio host, gets weirded out by everything, becomes a Dad, gets married makes new discoveries and solves a bunch of local mysteries.Not necessarily in that order.
Relationships: Cángsè Sǎnrén/Jiāng Fēngmián/Wèi Chǎngzé/Yú Zǐyuān, Cángsè Sǎnrén/Yú Zǐyuān, Huā Chéng/Xiè Lián, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín/Niè Huáisāng, Jiāng Fēngmián/Wèi Chǎngzé, Jiāng Yànlí/Jīn Zǐxuān, Luó "Mián Mián" Qīngyáng/Wēn Qíng, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo/Niè Míngjué, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Madam Jīn/Mèng Shī/Second Madam Mò, Mò Xuányǔ/Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Sòng Lán | Sòng Zǐchēn/Xiǎo Xīngchén
Comments: 25
Kudos: 80





	1. Welcome To Yílíng

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really beginning to think I should’ve done an Alice isn’t dead AU but who says I can’t do both?
> 
> Also this is my first proper fic in this fandom, please be gentle

Lán Zhàn had recently moved to Yílíng with his Elder Brother, Lán Huàn and nephew Lán Yí, all the way from Gūsū. Initially, he had never heard of the place, not until his brother had told him about it, after he had had a conversation with two of his boyfriends, Niè Mìngjuè and Mèng Yáo, who apparently, somehow lived there, despite the ‘odd’ occurrences that had happened and the single radio station it had. Lán Zhàn has originally believed that his brother was being catfished, but it turned out that it was actually a place in Hubei, which somehow, no one had heard of before, not even the government.

(Which was crazy because this was China, and like every self-respecting country in the worlds largest continent, it had old ladies who knew everything, and to whose conversations he absolutely did not eavesdrop on, alongside a government that had to know everything)

Obviously, his Brothers genius idea was to move there and ‘study’ (Read: Let Lán Zhàn do the studying while he got distracted by his boyfriends) the phenomenon occurring, which according to Mìngjuè and Mèng Yáo, were rather commonplace. Amongst these occurrences were a faceless old woman who lived in everyones house and ghosts that babysat for reasonable prices and wrote things on the walls in blood, ranging from grocery lists to threatening messages and frightening prophecies.

When he brought this up with Lán Huàn’s tiny boyfriend, whom he was very sure was the devil (He was at least 152 centimetres at most), just smiled and said- “It isn’t very uncommon here. I recommend tuning into the radio, I’ve heard it helped many people who were new here understand the traditions and customs of our small community.” Right before bidding them farewell and promising to arrive with Niè Míngjué tomorrow, to take them to a restaurant called _**‘The Blooming Lotus’**_ , for their first weekly compulsory bowl of soup at Yìlìng, while Lán Zhàn decided to forget about the radio and imagine that he was back in Gūsū.  
  


A few seconds later, Lán Zhàn would discover that he had no choice when the radio gifted to them by Mèng Yáo automatically turned on by itself, filling the room with a soft yet cheerful voice. Lán Yí sat on the floor legs crossed, listening attentively and Lán Zhàn found himself joining him.

* * *

**_”Tucked away, somewhere in Hubei_ **

**_A place where you can’t see either the Sun or Moon,_ **

**_But where you can feel the chill of the wind_ **

**_Lotuses blooming in the filthy water,_ **

**_As we pretend that we can’t hear,_ **

**_Those that walk at night,_ **

**_While we feign sleep.”_ **

**_“Welcome to Yílíng.”_**

* * *

_Hello listeners, I would like to start this show with a brief notice from the **City Council**._

* * *

’Doesn’t one of Huàn-ge’s boyfriend sit on the Council?’ Thought Lán Zhàn, to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to remember which one.

* * *

_The **Burial Mounds Animal Park** , located between **Sòngs Groceries** and **Jīn Records,** with a 4 kilometre and 7 kilometre distance from each of them respectively, has been opened. They would like you too_ _remember that animals are not allowed in the Animal Park. Humans are not allowed in the Animal Park. You might see robed figures in the Animal Park. Do NOT approach them. Do NOT approach the Animal Park. The fence is electrified, and is highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Animal Park, and do NOT look at the robed figures for any period of time. The Animal Park will not harm you._

 _And now, onto the news!_ Said the host so cheerfully that it unnerved Lán Zhàn, while A-Yí, his nephew, just listened on with great curiosity.

* * *

_Madam Mò, Mother to our beloved local cryptic Mò Xuányǔ, claims that the Gods revealed themselves to her. She also mentioned that one of them wore bandages while the other had an eyepatch, but both of them were extremely handsome. She says that they helped her with various household chores and changed the lightbulb in the kitchen for her. Madam Mò is willing to sell the lightbulb touched by a deity, and has already put it up for sale at her sons occult shop. It was touched by the one with the eyepatch, if that interests you. If you want to purchase it, contact **Mò Xuányǔ‘s Occult Shop** , it is located right below his house, in the parking lot._

* * *

_As you all know, there are new people in town. According to my source, which is very reliable, we have been able to identify two of them. The first being Lán Huàn, a scientist. You know, the man that Mèng Yáo has been yapping about non-stop, and the second being his son, name unknown, who is very adorable. Not as adorable as my A-Yuàn, though. Unfortunately my source was unable to identify the other man with them. We don’t know who he is, or what he wants. However, I have had a glimpse of him, and I must say listeners, that he is beautiful._

Lán Zhàn’s ears turned red.

_His perfect haircut, his perfect face, his perfect everything. He wears a lab coat, a sign that he might be a scientist. Well, I’ll have everyone know that I am quite the scientist myself! I invent things all the time and I am damn good at it if I say so myself!  
  
_

_According to my source, they have rented a lab near **The Blooming Lotus** , where you must go to get your weekly compulsory bowl of soup. After all, no one does a bowl like my JieJie! No one!_

* * *

_Now let us talk about safety! My Didi says I should be the last person to talk about this, but then again, is he hosting this show? My point exactly! But anyways, let me get back to the topic on hand. What were we talking about again......Ah,yes! Safety while taking your children out to play in the Burial Mounds! You need to make sure they stay away from water bodies and the black mist. Make sure to check the sky as well._

_Are there helicopters that look like they belong to the military? It probably is the Chinese Government, and I recommend not letting your children play in those areas._

_Are there giant birds circling around? Those belong to Bàoshān Sànrén and her agents and will rarely pick your child up so they can take them back and eat them!_

__Are there flying corpses wearing robes dating back to before the Qin Dynasty? No one knows what those are, so probably not a great place to play. Please return to your homes and only exit when one of Bàoshān Sànrén‘s agents place a red spider lily on your doorstep to tell you that everything is safe. Also cover your ears to blot out the screams._ _

__Remember: Sugar gives kids energy, which gives you exhaustion. Stick to water and fruit for a playtime snack._ _

‘Well,’ thought Lán Zhàn, ‘I definitely will not be taking A-Yí anywhere close to that place.’

* * *

_We received a press release this morning. The **Yílíng Buisness Association** , headed by _Jīn Zixuān, are_ proud to announce the opening of the brand new **Yílíng Harbour and Waterfront Recreation Area**. Since I have been to these facilities myself recently on their invitation, and also because it’d please my JieJie, I will tell you that it is absolutely top of the line and beautiful. _

_  
_ _Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material, a boardwalk for pedestrians, and plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace.  
_

_Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a hill range that also serves as a huge mass grave, there is no actual water at the waterfront, except for the sludge near the base of the town, and that is a definite drawback, I agree._ _For instance, the boardwalk is currently overlooking hills, black mist, corpses, sludgy water and rocks. _Jīn Zixuān and his associates_ did not provide any specific remedies for this problem, but they assured me that the new harbor would be a big boost to Yílíng nonetheless, though I’m pretty sure my nephew saw a harbour on some television program and just wanted to see one, and Jīn Zixuān decided that it’d be a good idea to build one. _ _Maybe wait until a flash flood or heavy rain and head down there for the full waterfront experience._

‘That was really...specific call-out...’ Thought Lán Zhàn.

* * *

_And now, for a short break._ Said the host, who was replaced by a person with a softer, yet no less confident voice, which Lán Zhàn ignored. If it wasn’t the host talking, then what was the point?

* * *

**This program is brought to you by Niè Studios.** **They are currently giving a discount on their new stickers to raise funds for their future products. These stickers are made from good, hard and sturdy vinyl and read:**

**_“Sabers don’t_ _kill people. It is impossible to be killed by a saber. We are all invincible to be blades, and it is a miracle!”  
_**

**If interested in purchasing, stand outside your door and shout “All hail Niè Huáisāng!” To order one. Thank you for your time and attention.**

* * *

_Madam Mèng stopped by the studio with some Salt and Pepper chips, which were good, but lacked both salt and pepper. She said that the deities had taken all the salt and pepper in the house, and she and her wives hadn’t yet gotten around to buying more, which is truly unfortunate, because my A-Yuàn loves those. I could go on about my son, but there isn’t enough time for that, so I’ll have to move on with the news._

‘Oh great,’ thought Lán Zhàn. ‘He’s probably married.’

_A bus carrying multiple people disappeared mysteriously in the middle of the highway, and reappeared in the middle of the **Yílíng Public School** auditorium during band practice, and it disrupted practice quite badly. Thankfully, no one was hurt, both the students and passengers. There is good reason to suspect that the Yáo’s have a hand behind this. They’ve always been so jealous of the musical talent present in Yílíng, something which they lack, and keep trying to one-up us through such means. Last time they dropped an entire piano from the sky, along with a dead pianist whom we had to throw into the Burial Mounds because no one would claim the body._

_Shame on you Yáo, shame on you._

Lán Zhàn began considering continuing home schooling his nephew after hearing about the incident.

* * *

_A great howling was heard from the **Yílíng Post Office** yesterday. No clerks from the Post Office could be found to make a comment on this. Those who could be, had a day-off.Those who were present outside to hear the sound, described it as being a little like a human soul being destroyed through demonic cultivation.   
_

_The local racist– now, I don’t know if you’ve seen this guy around. He’s the guy who does blackface and dresses like a racist caricature of a person of African descent._

_His name is actually Jīn Zixūn, and he has has been disowned by the Jīns, for which we are all thankful. He appeared on the scene, and swore that he would discover the truth._ _No one responded because it’s really hard to take him seriously in that outfit of his. Also, he is racist. So yeah, no one cares about you Jīn Whatsyourname, go home._  
  


_In more interesting news, lights have been seen_ _in the sky above the local KFC. Not the glowing sign of KFC, something higher, and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught on to their game. We understand the “lights above KFC” game._

_Invaders from another world._

_Comrades,_ he laughs and it is so adorable and Lán Zhàn is so in love, _the future is here, and it’s about 100 feet above the local KFC joint._

_Now, for the traffic._

_Police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways, those cars only visible in the distance reaching unimaginable speeds leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They want to let you know that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered “following the flow of traffic.”_ _However, they do say that it’s probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities responsible appear to be travelling at reasonable speeds, unlike the rest of us, it seems._

_We are looking at you specifically, Jiāng Chéng. We know about your road rage issues, keep it down._

‘They really enjoy calling people out, don’t they?’ Thought Lán Zhàn.

_And now, I bring you....[the weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L7sdAEYdWE)_

* * *

_The **City Council** would like to remind you about the Government of Heaven, and the hierarchy of the Heavenly Officials. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this._

_The structure of Heaven and the organizational chart are privileged information, known only to the **City Council** members on a need-to-know basis. Please do not speak to or acknowledge any Heavenly Officials that you may come across while shopping at **Sòngs Groceries** or at the **Luó Mall and Arcade**. They only tell lies and do not exist._

‘Why do I get the feeling that this person is going to do it anyway?’ Thought Lán Zhàn.

_Report all Heavenly Officials sightings to the **City Council** for treatment._

_And now a brief public service announcement._

_Alligators: can they kill your children?_

_Yes, they can. Thank goodness that we don’t have those here in Yílíng. I wouldn’t like to go that way, but, just to get a bit personal, I think getting ripped to shreds by bloodthirsty zombies is a horrible way to go. Throw in some false accusations of murder while you’re at it, if you ask me. That’d be the cherry on top for a very horrible way to die._

_Speaking of the **Luó Mall and Arcade** , complete with its own bowling alley, its owner, Luó Qīngyáng, better known to us all as ‘MiànMiàn’, reports that she has found the entrance to a vast **underground city** with no night in the pin retrieval area of Lane 4. She said she has not yet ventured into it; merely peered down at its strange palace and broad avenues. She _ _also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern._

_So, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now, and we might be hearing from them very soon, possibly a complaint about a bowling ball crushing one of their citizens. Which, to be fair, is very valid._

  
_Turning out to be another pretty evening here in Yílíng, from what I can tell through all the black mist. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or, at least, good memories of when you did. I’ll probably be cuddling my A-Yuàn, because I’ve got nobody!_

_‘_ Well that’s a relief.’

_The next program will be about classical music, and how it affects your health. Now, I won’t be able to tell this to you at the exact moment so I might as well say it now._

_Goodnight, listeners! Goodnight!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WWX when talking on the radio: Follow the laws set in place  
> WWX when not hosting the radio show: Fuck the laws  
> Yes, NMJ is the boyfriend on the council and JGY is a fucking hellion to everyone but his favourite boyfriend  
> Almost all of the women who Jin Guangshit screwed over have gotten together  
> MXY got therapy and is in a much better place than canon because it’s what he deserves  
> Weather: Luv Important- Your Chin


	2. The Blooming Lotus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lán Zhàn finally ‘meets’ the attractive sounding radio host

Lán Zhàn, despite his initial reluctance to eat anywhere near Mèng Yáo, actually liked the **Blooming Lotus**. The owner, Jiāng Yànlí, was extremely kind and had no problem making a vegetarian version of her famous soup when they asked for it. The meal was quiet, save for the chatter between Lán Huàn and Mèng Yáo and the somehow very loud twitching of Niè Mingjué whenever the shortest of them all opened their mouth, and surprisingly, there wasn’t a peep out of his usually noisy nephew.

This all was ruined by a ball of black and red with some white, rolling into the restaurant and towards Yànlí at the speed of light, screaming “JieJie!”

Said woman in question, spread her arms in greeting, into which the ball quickly tumbled into, revealing a person about his age carrying a toddler in his arms.

”A-Yīng.” She greeted him, enclosing him in a hug and pecking him on the cheek, squishing the toddlers between them, who was surprisingly comfortable being sandwiched between the two of them. After a good few minutes of exchanging occurrences, ‘A-Yīng’ gets on his knees and lifts his child up. “JieJie,” he says with all the dramatic flair he can muster, “please do this humble peasant the service of looking after his child.” Yànlí laughs, and it feels like everyone has ascended to another heavenly plane of existence, because she just so happens to be a Goddess. Lán Zhàn, however, will openly confess to being unable to fully appreciate it, as he just so happened to catch feelings for the man with the child, which caused his Brother, who sensed everything about him, to light up. Later, when Lán Huàn told both Niè Mingjué and Mèng Yáo actually agreed upon something that wasn’t their himbo scientist boyfriend, which was shook upon, by looking like they were about to cough up blood.

”A-Yīng,” says the Goddess, “you don’t need to go through all these dramatics, you know that right? I’m always happy to watch over A-Yuàn.” ‘A-Yīng’ smiles, and laughs, and Lán Zhàn is so in love right now.

”It’s always fun to do it with you JieJie. I’ll be back to pick him up by eight. Tell A-Líng I miss him!” He says before kissing the toddler on the cheek. “Bye bye, A-Yuàn! Baba will come back soon. Behave for auntie, okay?”

A-Yuàn nods, with the seriousness of a thousand blazing suns, eyes filled with determination, to which his Father responds to, with a grin and a kiss on the cheek for both his son and sister, before barreling out the door again.   
  


Suddenly, it all clicks in Lán Zhàn’s mind. A-Yuàn, JieJie, **The Blooming Lotus** , child and very attractive voice.   
  


A-Yīng is the attractive sounding radio host.

Lán Zhàn almost face plants into his food, causing everyone in the surrounding vicinity to become highly concerned.

* * *

_**”It is below 30°C** _

_**And we cannot see anything except for mist** _

_**Which behaves like the Queen of England** _

_**When it comes to her throne.** _

_**Really hard to believe the sun actually exists,**_

_**When you can’t see it”** _

_**”Welcome to Yílíng”** _

* * *

_ The **Yílíng Tourism Board’s,** which is under both the **Yílíng Buisness Association** and **City Council** , “Visit-able Yílíng” campaign has kicked off with posters to encourage people to go _ _ on a jaunt through the trails of the **Mass Grave Cliff Range.** _ _ Their slogan? “The view is literally breathtaking.” Yeah, no shit. Nearly lost my life there once. _

_ Posters will be placed at police stations and Boba Tea shops in nearby towns, along with promotional giveaways of hospital stretchers and inhalers._

_ And now, I can’t believe I’m actually thankful for this, the news.  
_

* * *

_Hey, has anyone seen the glowing cloud that has been moving in from the west? Well, Sòng Qìng – you know, my cousin who lives at the edge of town? – She saw it over the western ridge this morning. Claimed she would have thought it was the setting sun if it wasn't in the middle of the afternoon. This reminds of me the time she did time in prison for scamming people by pretending she was blind, and honestly? It is taking all of my willpower not to laugh._ _My cousin claims the cloud glows in a variety of color, changing every minute, she also claims that it makes a low whistling sound when it is near._

* * *

_It has been less than half-an-hour and one_ _death has already been attributed to the Glow Cloud. The name of the deceased is Wēn Chào. It is probably nothing, though. Besides, no one really cared about him, so I guess it really doesn’t matter._

_That's what Bàoshān Sànrén and her agents are saying, and I wholeheartedly agree. Although, I would not go so_ _far as to endorse the idea, that some idiot called Zhào Zhúliú had, to run directly at the cloud, shrieking “Master!” and waving your arms, just to see what it does. That is honestly the worst idea ever, and who even is this guy?!_

* * *

_The Local Racist, who has also been disowned by his family, has announced that he has found some disturbing evidence concerning the recent incident at the Yílíng Post Office, which has been sealed by the City Council since the great screaming that was heard from it a few weeks ago. He claimed that through using ancient African magics, he slipped through council security into the post office, and observed that all the letters and packages had been thrown about as in a whirlwind. That there was the heavy stench of scorched flesh. That the words written in blood on the wall said, “More to come, and soon.”_

_Can you believe this guy said he used African magics? What an asshole._

* * *

_Here's something wholesome, or weird, if that’s the description that floats your boat.  
_

_There is a rabbit_ _hovering in the men's bathroom at the radio station here. They seem perfectly happy and healthy, but it's floating about four feet off the ground next to the sink. Doesn't seem to be able to move from its current hover-spot. If you pet they’ll make a noise of contentment, and rub right back like a normal rabbit. Fortunately, because they’re right by the sink, it was pretty easy to leave some water and food where they could get it, and it's nice to have a station pet. I wish they were not trapped in a hovering prison in the men's bathroom. I’d love to take them home because my son would love them, with his adoration for bunnies. But listen, no pet is perfect. They become perfect when you learn to accept them for what they are._

_And now, a message from our sponsors.  
_

* * *

**I** **took a walk through the Burial Mounds, with brittle grass overgrown, and in the mist above me I saw.**

**Bitter taste of unripe lotus pods and a smell I could** **place, but not could I escape. I remembered other times that I could not escape. I remembered other smells. The rotting flesh and the smell of sewage.**

**The mist crawled like a wounded animal. The corpse heaps seemed to get up and start walking, as if doing my every bidding. Concentrate only on the sound of the dízi, and let go of ideas you had about righteousness and morality. You can’t have it the Burial Mounds. You do not need it in the Burial Mounds. Let go of your 4,000 rules, they will only choke you in the Burial Mounds.**

**I took a walk through the Burial Mounds, with brittle grass overgrown, and in the mist above me I saw some words.**

**This message was brought to you by Tiānzǐ Xiào Brewery.**

* * *

_The **City Council** in cooperation with government agents from a vague yet menacing agency, is asking all citizens to stop by the **Yílíng Public School** auditorium tomorrow evening at 4:00 for a brief questionnaire about sightings of fierce corpses, shadow people and mystical beings that definitely no one saw and strange things that in no way occurred to any of us in our daily routine. Because all of us are law-abiding citizens who in no way know anything about any of this, otherwise we would be imprisoned, wouldn’t we?_

The voice of the host suddenly turns to a whisper.

_Remember: if you see something, say nothing and drink to forget. Our sponsors are more than willing to supply you with all the alcohol you need for the task, if you cough up a pretty penny._

* * *

_**The Yílíng Junior Service Cultivation Committee** has announced some slight changes to their hierarchy, which will now be the following: Imp Scout, Corpse Scout, Crow Scout, Scout, Ox-Head Scout, Horse-Face Scout, Tortoise Scout, Demon Scout, and finally, Immortal Scout._

_Keep in mind that sign-up is automatic and random, so please keep an eye out for the scarlet envelope that will let you know your child has been chosen for membership. You know what to do when you receive it._

* * *

_This is probably nothing listeners, but Sòng Qìng – you know, my cousin who lives on the edge of town – reports that the Glow Cloud is directly over **The Remnants Town** , and appears to be raining small creatures upon the earth. Armadillos, lizards, a few crows – that kind of thing, not all that unusual, considering the time that it rained tadpoles. Ugh, that was a disaster! I kept finding them in my boots for days! Do you know how hard it is to remove tadpoles from your boots all the time? Do you?!   
  
__Fortunately, well, that’s for you to decide, the animals appear to be dead already, so the_ _ **Animal Control Department** has said that it should be a snap to clean those up. They just have to be tossed on the Eternal Pyre of Sacrifice in the **Founder of Diabolism Memorial Park.** If this the the worst the Glow Cloud has to give, I say go ahead and do your daily errands. Just bring along a good strong umbrella capable of handling falling animals up to, say, ten pounds. After all, we withstood tadpoles, who says we can’t take this? Besides, they won’t be getting into your boots anytime soon.  
_

_More on the Glow Cloud as it continues to crawl across our sky._

_And hey, here's a tip: take your kids out and use the Cloud's constantly mutating hue to teach them names of colors. It's fun, and it shows them the real-life applications of learning. I can’t do that for my son, considering the fact that I’m at work. A-Yuàn, my precious little radish, I am so sorry I can’t do this with you. I’ll make it up to you sometime, okay?  
_

_Now, the community calendar._

* * *

_On Sunday, the **Remenants Public Library** will be unknowable. All citizens, except Yānlíng Dàoren, will forget the existence of the library from 6 AM Saturday morning until 11 PM that night. The library will be under a sort of renovation. It is not important what kind of renovation._

_Sū Shè is offering xiāo lessons in the back of **Moling Music Store**. Of course, the shop burned down years ago, replaced by **Jīn Records,** and Sū Shè skipped town immediately after with his insurance money, but he somehow requested that those interested should bring their instrument to the basement of the place where his shop once was, and pretend that he is there in the darkness teaching you. He also wants you to know that if Mèng Yáo sues you for trespassing, he is not responsible. The price is 元 50 per lesson, payable in advance._

_Tuesday afternoon, join the **City Council** for a fair to support citizens for re-starting the the siege of the **Burial Mounds**. Proceeds will go to support and arm our non-corpse allies._

_Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error._

_And on Thursday is a free gǔqín concert. And… that's all it says here, so enjoy, I guess?  
_

* * *

_New call in from - Sòng Qìng, you know, my cousin who lives in the edge of town? Seems the Glow Cloud has doubled in size, enveloping all of Yílíng in its weird light and humming song._

_The **Yílíng Sports Association** has announced that they will be going ahead with the football game, although there will be an awning built over the field due to the increase in size of the animal corpses being dropped. I've had multiple reports that a lion, like the kind you would see on the sun-baked plains of Africa, or a pee-stained enclosure at a zoo, fell on top of the **Turnip Boba.** The shop is offering a free drink to anyone who knows how to get the thing off._

_  
_ _Certain terrified souls have apparently taken to shouting questions at the Glow Cloud, trying to ascertain what exactly it wants, while another person, namely Jiāng Chéng, in no uncertain terms, screamed for it to ‘Fuck off’ and ‘Go to hell’. So far, the Glow Cloud has not answered._

_The Glow Cloud does not need to converse with us. It does not feel as we tiny humans feel. It has no need for thoughts or feelings of love._

_The Glow Cloud simply is._

_All hail the mighty Glow Cloud_

_All hail_

_And now, slaves of the Cloud....[the weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNVrGPsKXfY)._

* * *

_Sorry, about that. I’m not really sure what happened in that earlier section of the broadcast – as in, I actually don't remember what happened. This isn’t just my bad memory speaking. I tried to play back the tapes, but they're all blank, and smell faintly of blood._

_The Glow Cloud, meanwhile, has moved on. It is now just a glowing spot in the distance, humming east to destinations unknown, and I hope it never comes back, because it probably damaged my roof and vegetable garden._

_I get the feeling that someone is going to use this to wax philosophy. If they want to, they can go ahead, but they better not do it in front of me. All I know is that I’m bringing some air freshener with me tomorrow, because the smell is...ugh! Can’t stand it! Damn thing couldn’t leave the scent of vanilla? I like vanilla! But, nooooo! It has got to be blood! Who does this cloud think they are, erasing my memory of the incident and leaving the smell of blood behind? Rude!_

_Anyways, I’m running out of time, and the broadcast has to end. The next program will be about_ _the history and Yílíng and its glorious founder, Wēn Sīzhuī._

__Goodnight, listeners! You better have someone or something to sleep with because it is going to be one hell of a night!_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shijie is a Goddess I don’t make the rules. I’m also creating a religion called Shijieism, where we do nothing but worship Shijie.
> 
> All hail Shijie.


End file.
